My 91-year old father entered hospice in April. Of his five children, I’m the only one who lives near him in Northern California. Even with the incredible privilege of paid care, I see the massive coordination and compassion that comprise our days, weeks and months.
I posted this picture of us in last week’s 3% Movement newsletter to make America’s care crisis visible. To put a face on this reality and encourage people to not look away.
Until we have paid family leave and more equal chore sharing at home, women are going to disproportionately suffer. IL (Invisible Labor) is making women ILL.
I’m starting to be convinced that the reason women don’t apply for jobs unless they have 100% of the qualifications is not an issue of confidence, but one of capacity. Diving into a role that requires new skills is far easier to imagine when you’ve got clean sheets and hot meals at home.
This is why every leader needs to care about care. You’re never going to realize the gains of full creative contributions when at least half your workforce is burned out, anxious and resentful. But you can do something about it starting right now.
Start noticing things that go unnoticed.
Walk around like a human bloodhound. Sniff out things that others miss. Notice tasks that happen quietly, in the background, that make your life easier.
The parent volunteer who posted signs and balloons to lead you to the parking lot
The team member who ordered Ubers home for everyone
The shop merchants who put out bowls of water for dogs on 100-degree days
The gift your partner picked out, bought and wrapped for YOUR parent
The coach who shares photos from little league practice
The junior team member who photographed the white board before the cleaning crew arrived that evening (even more invisible labor)
Carry around a little notebook and write this shit down. Go full Harriet the Spy. The goal is to retrain your brain to not take little things for granted. Because little things are the only way we get big things done. Without them, the whole house of cards collapses.
Once you’ve retrained your eye, give voice and action to what you’ve observed. The magic formula looks like this:
Notice
Thank
Do
Make the invisible visible. Start training your brain to notice the tiny everyday conveniences that someone else does for you. Then voice your appreciation and offer help.
Exhibit A from Work
A friend of mine who owns a series of salons recently showed up unannounced on a busy Saturday. She knew her salon manager was at her wits end. Rather than try to “workshop” her employee into a better attitude, this inspired leader showed compassion for the overwhelm and showed up in yoga pants and said “I’m your assistant today — what do you need?”
Exhibit B from Home
I recently had my college girlfriends visiting from the East Coast. One morning I awoke to find that my friend Karen had gotten up early and walked my dog. She did it again that evening. Recently divorced and now in charge of 100% of all my household tasks, I was bowled over by this simple gesture of support.
Exhibit C when you have 2 hours
Watch the documentary Fair Play on Hulu. It will blow your mind. And open your eyes.
Until next time, remember that culture is the new creativity.